i always knew that everything around you that you know and love has the possibility to end in a split second. I tend not to think about stuff like that because why would i? who thinks about stuff like that on a regular basis? well when the things around you that you know and love start slipping away and you can see it, why not do anything about it? Is it because you're scared to change, scared of what you're becoming and scared to do something about it? When you finally figure out what you've become is really nothing like you... do you ask yourself why? Why did i become who i am now? What is even causing this. this isn't me so what's the reason? Am i scared? is this my defense? to change?
I've never been in a situation like this before so i wouldnt know. All i know know is that I have to change back. I don't want to sit here listening to playlists i made for someone and thinking about every amazing memory when we could still be making them.
I feel so frustrated. with everything i let happen, and with myself. my head hurts, my brain hurts and my heart hurts. it's actually hurting. The hole I dug myself is almost too big to climb out of and I just hope that someway I will be able too.
The worst part about it all is knowing this was coming and not doing anything about it.
And i dont know why.
(I just figured out what the most depressing thing to do is. Look through blog archives and find small things like learning standard, buying new shoes and making beach forts)
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